Man, so close to a White Castle adventure yesterday only to be let down. But we have the weekend, and we're doing it. Don't flake out on me, Spin. Punch to the baby maker, remember that.
Had to deal with some drama between Heather and Casey. Obviously, Heather, if it were like you thought it was- I'd let you know. I'm not about sneaking behind people's backs. I've learned from other's mistakes.
Casey's my new skate partner, he owes me some Velveeta shells and cheese.
Went by Jay's to pick up Punkface. Joint custody or some shit like that. Not as if he really cared, he had it in the fucking closet. What can I say, I'm still bitter. Take care of yourself.
I'm moving in with Paige? Don't know about that one yet.
Oh the temptation. Look, I'm fighting it... I'm fighting it...
So I went apartment hunting yesterday after work with my brother, who insists I find a place close to him before just asking if I wanted to move into the dorm with him. As much as I love my brother, I can't deal with his buddies for long periods of time without wanting to deck them for A.) their stupidity [makes me wonder how they're in college, has to be something to do with sports] B.) thinking they have any remote chance with me. Bitch, please. So, saw a few nice places. Still debating on moving in by myself or attempting to ask if someone wants to play roommate. Only requirements:
1. You have to plan on staying around. None of that running back home shit. 2. You have a legit job, I'm not going to start covering your rent.
That's it, that's all that's needed. That and the fact that we have to remotely get along, there's no point in moving in with someone if every morning I want to beat their face in and bury them somewhere in the backyard. So there's my ad for a roommate.
Slowly but surely I'm getting over it. Maybe if I keep going without talking to him or seeing him- I'll be over it completely. Being in love is such a fucking bitch. This wasn't meant to happen to me, I can't be falling in love if all it is is being heartbroken. I'm better off alone.
Ok, I've fought it long enough and my brother just called. I'm out. What a coincidence that I have this day off. Ha ha.
So I've been kickin' it the past couple of days with Spin, making up for lost time? I don't know, whatever. Been enjoying myself in acting completely retarded and not giving a shit. I now see why Spin enjoys himself so much, though I don't think I could do this 24/7. I'll leave that to him. :] Besides that I've been doing the work thing, continuing to save up money for when I move out in... two months or so the 21st. I'd say I'm up for a roommate but I need someone that would actually move in and stay and not someone that will come in and then have to go running back home because their parents snapped their fingers. I'm sorry, but I'm not getting stuck paying double the rent. Fuck. That. I'd rather live on my own with Boo boo and Yayo.
I went to see Nate again today "after school" or more like during since I'm taking a break although I have all the make up homework done, ha ha. The nurse told me I had just missed his dad which was a good thing or else I would have attacked him and it wouldn't have been pretty. I plan on heading back tomorrow after work and checking in on him again and making sure he's ok.
Parents are out of town once again and here I am, sola, watching the x-rated channels/sucky horror movies for the lack of anything better to do right now and contemplating some Velveeta shells and cheese because it's the food of the Gods by Casey's (aka "Dork") standards. Then again, I am awesome like that and so things just work out that way. And this is me playing the "I don't care anymore" card. Or at least trying to get over it. It's over, it isn't going to work. It was great while it lasted.
So I kicked it with Spin the other night, good times. Killed the rest of the Stoli I still had left, which trust me, is enough to fuck up anybody. And it didn't take much to get him fucked up since he can't really hang with the big kids. It's ok Spin, I'll be woman enough to say you kicked my ass in the esghetti noodle fight. I'll give you that much. :] I needed to do something pointless like that and forget everything for that little bit. Sucked that we stopped talking after shit fell apart between us.
But as fun as that was I went to see Nate in the hospital last night. I fucking... I fucking hated it. And then the fact that Sully was there stuffing his face with cookies and watching the Lifetime Channel didn't make it any better. He actually acted civil, which I appreciated because I didn't want to be fighting while I was suppose to be there with Nate. I ended up falling asleep curled up in the chair next to the bed holding his hand. I'm going back later, I just need to get all this shit through my head.
Jimmy: One on one soon. Spin: Porno critique coming up.
Turns out I'll be kickin' it with Spin tonight and our buddy Stoli. And I'll bust out those famed dance moves, watch.
And as mentioned, Jay came over last night and we talked. More like we stared at each other and gave one another sappy ass answers. Didn't help anything at all. And for as much as he's to blame for what happened, I couldn't bring myself to hate him. I broke down and cried like a little bitch, what the fuck. I guess we're just better off as friends or something like that. I enjoyed it while it lasted. And I fucking miss him and I hate how fucked up things are right now.
But, Spin's coming over and I've already started without him. I'll have to show him out, he can't hang with the big kids.
So I smoke a blunt for the first time since Telly and Frankie left... And Towerz about has a titty attack because he thinks I'm "going to fuck myself up over Jay".
Co'nbread, ONE- let me stress that for you, ONE -blunt is not fucking me up. Trust me. So I headed off to the mall to wander around coming down off my high and ended up running into Towerz at some random cd store before Spinner showed up. It's amazing that we actually had a decent conversation after a long while of just nods and "what up" in the halls at school. I guess I missed him in some goofy, weird way. He did always have a tendency to make me smile. On our way out I spotted Jay and Alex and shot him a dead look just kept walking. Like I told Spin, I wasn't about to exert myself in any way, shape, or form and I told him I'd punch him in the baby maker if he fucked me over in the next two months. I miss Jay so fucking much. I don't like not being with him but what he said after catching up with me outside the store broke my heart. Half of me believed he meant it, but the other half said he was bluffing. It doesn't matter- IT HURT. I'm so damn confused. Thanks Ash, thanks a lot.
I guess me and Jay are going to talk today or something like that. We'll see how that goes.
P.S. Casey and his skateboarding skills win me over all the time. That and the fact that he plays drums and bass guitar. (I had to give him a shoutout before he beat me up.)